There is so much to do, so many people to take care of, so many plates to keep spinning!
Divorce is often a very busy experience. Firstly, you have the actual process to cope with, including all of the negotiations and dealing with lawyers, mediators, etc. The admin alone can be overwhelming as you gather all of your financial data and consider your plans for the future. Next to that, you are now one adult rather than two so there's a lot more "stuff" to do from taking out the bins and mowing the lawn, to DIY and booking the holidays.You may now be a single parent and find yourself handling a greater share of the childcare agenda. Of course, on top of all of that many people have to move home too!
Unfortunately, this extra workload appears at a time when you need to rest and relax more than usual.
Emotionally, you are probably under extreme stress and you could also be physically affected by the end of your marriage (sleep problems, weight loss/gain, headaches etc, are all very common).
We know that we need to take care of ourselves but how is that even possible with everything else that simply has to get done?
This is a frequent concern of many people going through divorce and it's often one that they didn't expect or see coming. Most of us try to push through and just keep going until we see the light at the end of the tunnel. For some, that works but the problem is that we often don't know how long it will be until that tunnel end appears. Divorce takes its own sweet time.
The answer lies in prioritising.
You cannot take care of others or anything else if you don't take care of yourself. That's why they always tell us on aeroplanes to fix our own oxygen masks first.
Making the time to take care of your mental and physical health is vital. Creating space to rest, relax and switch off, is not an indulgence, it's a necessity.
If your lawyer has to wait a day or two for some information, so what? What's the worst that can happen?
If you don't clean the house or the kids miss their scouts club or you forget to send a friend a birthday card, so what? What is the worst that can happen?
If you don't make time for yourself and you don't pay attention to your physical and mental state, what is the worst that can happen? And what could that worst scenario lead to? The answer is probably more onerous than the results of a dirty bathroom.
So, it's obvious right?
Make sure you listen to your body. Unless you are superhuman, divorce will put pressure on your mental and physical health. Pay attention and nurture yourself.
Prioritise yourself so that you come out the other side happy, healthy and raring to go.
Amanda Gardiner
Reset Divorce Coaching