Trust – The Hidden Casualty of Divorce?
A small word with phenomenal power, trust is the foundation of all relationships and without it we cannot effectively be a parent, a friend, a son or daughter, a lover or a work colleague.
So, what is trust and how do we get it?
A friend sent me a fabulous Brene Brown TED Talk this morning which defines trust brilliantly :-
For me, the most impactful aspect of this was the self-trust piece. Particularly, for those going through separation and divorce, learning to trust ourselves again is so very hard and often we don’t even recognise that there is an absence of self-trust.
Consider some of the most common things my client’s say:
I have failed
She cheated on me for 2 years and I didn’t suspect a thing. How could I be so stupid?
How can I still love somebody who treats me so awfully?
I cannot accept that I got it so wrong.
My children are heartbroken and it’s my fault.
I cannot get through this.
All of these are rooted in a lack of self-trust. When you separate it’s normal to question the trust you have in your own judgement, in your actions and in your ability to move forward.
To thrive after divorce however, we have to learn to trust ourselves again and recognising that we may have a gap here is the first step.
Be kind to yourself, celebrate your successes however small, respect your own values and boundaries and slowly, slowly, that self-trust will re-build and you will form relationships with others that are stronger and more rewarding than ever before.