The first step for those getting divorced in the UK is rarely to enter “Divorce Coach” into Google. Even if you know this service exists, you might question what a divorce coach can offer you or why you would need to incur another expense when finances are already stretched?
Instead, our automatic response is to lawyer up. We find a well-regarded family law solicitor and assume that they will handle everything. Job done?
Unfortunately, that approach has a number of drawbacks which many of us don’t recognise until we’ve been through the process.
Primarily, at several hundred pounds an hour and a billing system that charges you a minimum of 6 minutes per contact, using a solicitor for everything can be a hugely expensive way of getting through a divorce.
Secondly, you may quickly lose control of what is happening, as you get swept down the legal route.
The legal process is by its nature, combative. Whatever your challenge, a solicitor’s toolbox is limited to legal action or the threat thereof. This may not be appropriate for every person and every situation.
A good solicitor will be the first to point out that they are not best placed to offer emotional support or to work out your non legal options with.
Undoubtedly, a decent solicitor is worth their weight in gold and they are of course crucial to the process. Used appropriately, they can be a fantastic asset in your divorce.
To supplement and support that effort, divorce coaches are increasingly being considered essential in order to achieve a quicker, less painful and less costly divorce.
When a marriage fails, there are so many unknowns; How do I get through this? Will I survive financially? How do I support my kids and minimise their pain? How will my friends and family be impacted? Am I a failure? What does my future look like? How on earth did I get here? And so on.
Taking the time to unpack all of these issues, having a good look at them and making some decisions about what you want and what is best for your family is invaluable before you proceed.
You can then instruct your legal team forensically, saving both money and time. Divorce coaching can facilitate this process, giving you control of your divorce and the confidence that you are taking the right steps for you and your family.
As your divorce journey advances, it can become overwhelming and having good support is key. Friends and family are of course a crucial part of this. However, it is very difficult for them not to take sides and so, their advice will not always be unbiased.
With so many things to consider and so many decisions to make, a coach can help you look at your options in a non-judgemental and completely unbiased manner. Coaching can support you through the life-cycle of your divorce as the inevitable challenges arise; co-parenting, mediation or court preparation, financial dispute, the future, dating etc etc.
At the end of the road, if a divorce coaching client can look back and feel that they were in control of their divorce, that they made well considered decisions and that they achieved a quicker, less painful and less costly divorce than they otherwise may have, then I have done my job.
For how to use a solicitor effectively, check out my blog post here: https://www.resetdivorcecoaching.co.uk/post/legal-fees-leaping