Many of my clients are just starting the divorce journey and almost without exception, they worry that they will not get through the process, that the emotional strain is too much and that life will be very difficult indeed. My job is to reassure them and provide hope and encouragement. So, I wondered what I would say to myself as I stepped onto that undeniably challenging path to divorce.........
Dear Me
It will be OK.
I know that it feels like your world has ended, that the very foundations you stand on are crumbling and that there is no future for you. You feel old, unattractive and boring.
You didn't want this, it feels like insanity; everything is spiraling out of control. You simply don't understand what is happening, it's incomprehensible.
You believe your children have been wounded irreparably and that their perfect life and their innocence have been ripped from them. You worry about how you will get them through this.
You cannot sleep because you are stressed about your financial security and how you will provide for your children or pay the inevitable legal fees.
Most of all, you are in pain. Your best friend, your lover, your other half and your partner in all things, has vanished and you are bereft.
You are in a very dark place. It feels unbearable and inescapable. I'm sorry to say that you will be there for a while but don't worry; whilst you are there, you will slowly heal and you will grow. You will gather your people around you and they will lift you up. Your children will inspire you and your natural resilience will surface.
Your world has not ended, it has in fact just begun.
In the next few months and years, you will meet new people who will change the fabric of your life and how you think of yourself. They will find you attractive, vibrant and fascinating. You will rediscover the motivation and drive that you thought you had lost and you will build a business that will provide you with purpose and ambition.
You will laugh like you haven't laughed in years, you'll travel and have new experiences that will amaze you. You can do all of those things you were frightened of, even if you don't want to and you can even cut the grass and empty the mouse traps.
Your children will be OK. Divorce is really hard for children and it will be a rough ride for them too but they are smart girls and they will get there. You will get each other through and three years from now, your relationship with them will be stronger, full of fun and more rewarding than you ever thought possible.
You are not there yet on the financial security but you have what you need. The things you once saw as essential, like holidays, nice clothes and lovely restaurants have become less vital and you realise that they were not worth the price you paid for them.
You won't miss the "companionship" you thought you had or the love you relied on, it was never there. The support and encouragement you thought you needed was an apparition and as for respect and kindness, well, enough said.
You are free to create a new life that is exciting and full of wonder, you are about to embark on an adventure.
There will be times when you will fall back down to the depths of despair but you will get back up again and every time, it will take a little less effort. Eventually, that small chink of light at the end of the tunnel will become a glaring beacon, leading you to your shiny "Act Two".
It may seem impossible right now but it will be more than OK. You will get there.
Love
Me
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